I’m in love with the summer rain
Many of my best friends have various problems right now and I can’t help them. And feeling so useless as a friend depresses me deeply.
Even if they tell me lovely things and that they appreciate me trying to help, it only makes me cry harder.
Because I can’t feel happy when I know most of them are feeling sad.
I know this is a really weird way of selfishness, but I can’t help it. I need them to be happy.
They are my family and I love them.
Not being able to help hurts so much…
But I think another aspect of this is me always fearing to not be wanted anymore. To be the useless friend nobody needs.
Like what I felt happened to me and my (back then) best friend.
I think apart from heartache, nothing else ever hurt me as much a feeling how friends slowly loose interest in you and don’t need you anymore. I can’t get rid of that fear, although I know it might seem stupid…